Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Paramahamsa Nithyananda Revises Vedic Holy Day Plus Bliss Bites Back

Nithyananda, the Father of All Renamed Vedic Traditions
Paramahamsa Nithyananda, we have to be honest with you. We really don't know if you are a real Paramahamsa or not a real Paramahamsa. Actually, we really do have our doubts that you are a Paramahamsa, but we know when we search Google for 'Nithyananda Paramahamsa' we are only at 88. I know that is a bit low, Paramahamsa Nithyananda. After all, we have several no. 1's and many top tens in Google. Even just plain old 'Nithyananda' without the Paramahamsa title, we usually come in the top 30. So, out of respect to Google and a little bit of respect to you, we will call you Paramahamsa Nithyananda for this blog post. Hope that is OK with you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda.

Paramahamsa Nithyananda, as I write this blog, it is still November 12, 2009. Why isn't that a special day in your Nithyananda Order, Paramahamsa Nithyananda? Didn't you call that Maha Parinirvana Day? Why you will say "Yes". I'm so glad that we agree on something, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, for a change. In fact, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda sent us an email announcing this holy day, and that we should celebrate it with you at the Vedic Temple in Montclair, California. Actually, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, you are probably flying first class in some airplane to Singapore, but we know that you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda are there in spirit. Paramahamsa Nithyananda, isn't this special occasion that you call Maha Parinirvana Day in recognition of the your father, Sri Nithya Arunachalananda Swami, who you claimed attained Maha-Samadi, the state of liberation?

Wow, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, that's really nice that you finally did something nice for your father. We have eyewitnesses that can testify how you abusively treated your parents even after you made the big time. It's nice to see that you treat everyone, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, equally. Equally bad that is. We remember how you finally started talking to your parents again, after years of the silent treatment, and how you then treated your parents as if they were complete strangers with distant-politeness. I'm sure all those diaper changes sure paid off, Paramahamsa Nithyananda. But, after 'working on' your parents and 'churning' them big time, it was nice to see that you actually went down and did all the last rites for your father. In fact, you even offered to put his soul back into his body, but you decided not to upon your mother's request. Nice.

So, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, if you have this special ability to put souls back into dead bodies, you must have some special miracle powers? Were you able to predict this death, Paramahamsa Nithyananda? Your very quiet again, Paramahamsa Nithyananda. I'm sure you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, were able to predict this, but you just played it cool, and let the grim reaper play his little leela (play)? Correct? Yes, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, we remember. You were giving a lecture to a captivated crowd that later would become a YouTube video, and with all those bright lights, fancy clothes, and make up, well, who wouldn't be a bit distracted and not notice your super godly powers telling you that your father just died. In fact, wasn't it just a mere human who received the news via a telephone call, then slipped you the note during your lecture? So, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, does this mean your father automatically attained Maha-Samadi, the state of liberation, or did he have to wait until you were tipped off and then you could liberate him?

So, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, can we conclude that any of your followers who die and have slaved their whole life for your empire must first have someone call the ashram to have them slip you a note so these dead devotees will be taken care of? Paramahamsa Nithyananda, is that part of your living 'enlightenment' pact? We don't know if this really seems like a guaranteed process. Seems a bit shaky to us.

And, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, if you say you can see all of those ghosts, why didn't your father's soul just come floating by during your lecture and say 'Hi'? He wasn't afraid that you were going to 'enlist' him in one of your red hot chili fire rituals? To be honest, if I died, I really wouldn't want to get that close to your red hot chili fire rituals either. Now, if you were roasting marshmallows, that sounds much more enticing.

And, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, could you tell us what your father died of? He seemed a bit young to be going into that next level. Did he take your "Health and Wellness" program? Paramahamsa Nithyananda, there wasn't anything else going on, was there? This was a natural death? We sure hope that.

Now tell us, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, why did you name this day Maha Parinirvana Day? Is this part of your 'enlightenment' marketing that if your devotees give you lots of cash and/or slave for you for a lifetime, then they, like your father, will get 'enlightenment' at the final moment?... after a phone call of course. Paramahamsa Nithyananda, is this how your holy business model is based on?

Paramahamsa Nithyananda, why isn't Parinirvana Day, or Nirvana Day is also a Mahayana Buddhist holiday celebrated in East Asia? Isn't this the day that Buddhists believe that Lord Buddha is said to have achieved Parinirvana, or complete Nirvana, upon the death of His physical body? And, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, doesn't this day usually come sometime in February? Usually the 8th or the 15th of February to be exact? And, to Buddhist, this day of Parinirvana does not come sometime in November? Wow, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, you must really be god to be happy to mess with this day and still claim that you're a caretaker of Vedic Culture!

Do you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, still have that big, heavy, larger-than-life marble statue of Lord Buddha in your Vedic Temple in Montclair, California? And you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, do not have any problems with recycling a holy day that is already in use? Does this mean that your father is now equal to Lord Buddha, and we can now expect to see a big, heavy, larger-than-life marble statue of your father next to Lord Buddha? Wow, I guess you, a self-proclaimed god, has the right to do such things.

And, what about other holy days, Paramahamsa Nithyananda? Are you going to name some special occasion of an existing holy day to mark your special version of Vedic Culture, you know, Vedic Culture as you know it? Paramahamsa Nithyananda, why don't you rename the day you were denied entry to the United States as Christmas? That way, somebody is not going to go and say that April 2nd, was just an extension of April Fool's Day.

I'm sure, Paramahamsa Nithyananda that all of your devotees will be glad to celebrate your Christmas in April, since all of your U.S. devotees are required to donate huge amounts of cash that they cannot afford, they will certainly get big refunds from the IRS from all of those tax-deductible write-offs. Then you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, can demand that these people donate all their tax refunds to you on that day. If your followers do not refund their tax refunds to you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, you could then take away their 'enlightenment', and promise that you will not answer the phone or receive any notes on the day they die. But, then again, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, wouldn't know the day that your followers died, unless someone slips you a note. But, don't worry, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, I'm sure that your followers are much too excited about their 'enlightenment' that they won't think about those little details.

I bet, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, people will be more than glad to donate to your mission on this new Christmas Day. You, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, can call it the 'rebirth' of giving. Yes, we agree, that would be the corrected meaning of Christmas, in accordance to the Order of Nithyananda, that now happens to fall on April 2 every year.

Paramahamsa Nithyananda's Bliss Bytes Bite Back
Paramahamsa Nithyananda, can you believe that a bunch of your email went to my spam folder? Shameful. I don't think email knows how special you, as an 'enlightened' healing master, really are. Anyway, inside my spam folder was an email with the subject line "Bliss Byte - Click of the Day". Why heck, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, the title of the featured YouTube clip was "You Only Remember People Who Disturb You". Does this mean, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, that all of us contributing to this blog are being remembered by you right now? Well, that explains all of the mystery phone calls with the 626 area code and no message being left.

Just think, all your poor devotees that wait so patiently for your attention and who take all those expensive programs, volunteers to be your slave, or become one of your acharyas (teachers) with the mandate to brainwash additional potential devotees, all they really need to do in order to jump in front of the line is contribute to this blog. Presto! An instant shortcut to your darshan (sighting). Our heart energy centers are unlocking this very moment.

Let's take a look at this video now, shall we? No, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, you don't need to pay us anything for the referral. It is on us:

>> Nithyananda's Disturbing Lecture

(Don't forget to rate and comment. Hee. Hee.)

Wow, look at your clothes. These are the same Osho clothes we mentioned about being a cross between ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band’.
And, yes, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, according to your Bliss Byte logic, we all are going to remember YOU for life times after life times. In this way, you, Paramahamsa Nithyananda, are truly immortal to us.

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